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“Your Defects of Character are Assets Gone Out of Control”
You think you are being kind, generous and loving, but it’s hurting you and others around you.
A friend and mentor shared a quote with me, “Your defects of character are assets gone out of control.”, one day when I was telling her how I was struggling with having empathy for someone who had shown no empathy towards me. He was actually hurting me in the name of “caring deeply for me”, with his controlling, and forcing his will on me. I felt guilty about imposing a boundary that felt hurtful to him. This friend said, “It’s one thing to purposely hurt someone, but when someone is hurt because of your response to them hurting you, that is a lot different.”
She’s so right! Empathy is a wonderful quality to have, until it begins affecting your own health and growth. Having too much empathy towards this man, was hurting my health and personal growth. He was taking advantage of my kind, loving nature. He was manipulating me. It was making me feel resentful and exhausted. Resentment and exhaustion are signs that you need a stronger boundary.
What are Your Defects of Character Gone Wrong?
I’m not saying that all defects of character can be an asset gone wrong, but as I look at some of my other defects of character, I can see where that can be true for many of them. For example, jealousy can actually be admiration of another person, but taken to a more negative level. There’s a certain business coach that I follow, who has three businesses, millions of dollars, she’s beautiful, has an amazing husband, and appears to have it so together.
I am jealous of the things she has accomplished, but instead of being jealous, I should be inspired by her. I really just admire the way she is so confident, and can sell so easily. Admiration is a good quality. It lets you know that kind of success is possible for a woman in 2023, and it’s also possible for me.
Another defect of character, that is an asset gone wrong, is my dishonesty with this manipulative person in my life that I mentioned before. I leave out information, and tell little white lies, even though one of my highest values is honesty. Why do I lie? Because I am caring, and trying to protect the feelings of others, or even myself. I…
