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“I Love Him! I Hate Him!”
How cognitive dissonance keeps you stuck in your toxic relationship.
One minute you’re thinking, “You know, I really love him.”. The next minute, you’re thinking, “You know, I think I really just hate him!”. He did that one little sweet thing that made you think that he really had your back. He knows the things you like, and puts in effort to make sure you feel loved.
But then, he says the most awful things anyone has ever said to you, like, “You’re a liar!”, “You’re sneaky. I know you are hiding something from me.”, “You don’t care about the children.”, or some other thing that is way outside your sense of integrity. Or, he rages at you, ignores your request for him to stop driving so crazy, or acts suspicious with his phone.
You think, “How could I be with someone that treats me like this!”. Then, he does something that makes you feel like he’s so loyal to you, and couldn’t live without you. And, then you’re back to, “How could I leave someone that treats me like this? Is there really someone who could be better? Don’t people say relationships are hard work?”
What is Cognitive Dissonance?
This back and forth, push-pull is cognitive dissonance. It’s two opposing beliefs at the same time. You know something is not right with your relationship, but at times it seems normal, and…