Boundaries Are For Yourself, Not The Toxic Person
These are rules you have to protect your mental, emotional, and physical health.
The Misconception About Boundaries
Clients and readers often comment that boundaries don’t work with toxic or narcissistic people. They are right, in a way. Boundaries don’t keep toxic people from trying to overstep them. They will push the limit every time. I was confused about this for a long time, too. I thought, “What’s the point of trying to set boundaries if they don’t work? They’ll just do it anyway.”
But, here’s what I’ve learned. That’s a misconception, because boundaries are not for the toxic person. They are for you. Let’s take an example. You don’t want to be waiting around on this toxic person, sitting at a restaurant, feeling uncomfortable every time the waiter comes by, asking if you are ready to order yet. Your boundary could be, “I will no longer wait more than 15 minutes for this person.” Let the person know when you set up a time to meet, that you will not wait longer than 15 minutes, and to please let you know if they will be later than that. The next time they are later than 15 minutes after your meeting time, you can choose to leave, or go ahead and order your food.
The toxic person will be angry, but you will not feel taken advantage of, which is the goal…
