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4 Predictable Phases When You Leave a Narcissist
Not necessarily in any particular order.
After wavering for many months, maybe even years, you’ve finally left the narcissist. It was difficult, because they are so loving sometimes, but you left because they can be so mean at other times. There are four predictable phases that happen after you leave the narcissist, and they do not necessarily happen in a predictable order, but you can be sure that all four will happen at some point.
They Blame You for All the Problems in Your Relationship
Often the first phase after you decide to leave, the narcissist blames you for all the problems you are experiencing in your relationship. You are the cause of their behavior. You are the reason they drink too much. You are the reason they cheated. If you hadn’t done this, or that, the narcissistic partner wouldn’t have had to react the way they did.
The narcissist can be very convincing, and you may even wonder if you were the problem. You know you’re not perfect, and it’s normal in a highly empathic and conscientious person to wonder whether you could have done something different.
Heck, you probably did lose it a few times. Any normal person would, under the circumstances a narcissist puts you through. However, you cannot control a person’s behavior, to make them want to improve, and you certainly cannot cause them to behave in an awful way, either.
They Attempt to Hoover You Back In
Suddenly, the narcissist will start being so helpful, and loving. They will do all the things you’ve been begging them to do in the past few months or years. They clean, take care of the kids, finally fix that broken gate, come home from work on time, and sit with you on the couch. The narcissistic partner convincingly begins showing affection, holding your hand, kissing you goodbye, and calling to check in during the day.
You may think, “Finally! They are going to change. This is the partner I’ve been waiting for.” Or, if you’ve been through this cycle enough times, you recognize this old attempt that gets abandoned as soon as they’ve gotten you to recommit to the relationship.
